((((sweet)))) i totally understand how you feel. i'm a neat freak. my depression definitely gets in my way in the upkeep of my home and the mess drives me insane and makes me more depressed. my hubby is an unbelievable packrat. i can't even clean around the piles of "stuff" that my hubby has all over the house. i'm kicking him in the *** for that. lol. i love him, but yeah, his stuff makes it unbelievably hard for me to clean the house! my house is a nightmare, but at least, it's not a biohazard (for those who have the biohazard issue, no offense is intended, for i totally understand this issue). anyway, you're not a bad person. life sometimes get in the way. illness definitely will get in the way. other peeps, lol, can do the same - like my hubby. lol.