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Originally Posted by newtus
idk how to get away from him. because a small part of me actually still loves him. i keep telling myself ill find new people at uni but it keeps being put off longer and longer because i cant get enough credits fast enough. even though i took 6 classes in spring. i pushed myself so hard only to still fall short.
i told everyone i was seeing him again and im losing the respect of my friends and my family is mad at me.
yet i cant pull myself away, not only from him but the alcohol. i pulled away from him for a month and from the alcohol for a week, only to go back. i went through a mild psychosis for a month but it was pretty wild. at least i think it was psychosis. maybe.
im not manic or psychotic right now. im just very lonely and desperate for company. im alone 10 hours out of the day. thats not working for me, to be alone with only friend who is sick with cancer. i drink to escape the mind numbingness of the hours i sit alone.
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It's hard for someone to pull away from an abusive relationship. My sisters ex boyfriend (my nieces dad) use to beat her and she wouldn't come around us because of the bruises she had on her face and body. He was the one that also introduced her to drugs and she struggles with a drug problem she doesn't think she haves. Since they have a child together my niece is effected by it. She witness her daddy beat her mommy and gets nightmares from it. It took her a while to leave him because she had loved him. It will hurt you more staying with him than leaving him. It'll get worse. At least you don't have a child in the mix but it's worrisome.
We can only do so much. We can listen, hear you out, and give you advice but there's no magic way to get rid of it all. You got to take the steps and do what you gotta do to live a healthy and happy life. I'm not judging you and your family shouldn't either. We're all human. I respect you as a human being. You have good qualities too. You're not hopeless and I know you're just trying to find a way to survive it all.
Do you feel you have a drinking problem? Ever thought about talking to someone about it. I know substance abuse is hard to deal with mentally and physically. I remember you saying both your parents suffer from Alcoholism. Do you think they'll judge you if you told them about it?