I am so very sorry you are going through this. Its ok to feel pain and to cry and grieve. All of your feelings are ok. I had to terminate with my T over a month ago because she quit her practice and found a new job. It has been very hard for me to say the least. The grief is intense. One of the most painful things I have ever been through and I still have rough days that feel like it was yesterday. The pain does get better over time. I don't know if it totally goes away (it might for you) but you learn to live with it. I had a very healthy ending and a great last session that was filled with love and care. One of the best sessions was the last one. I did dread it though and I was pretty emotional. I learned to express my anger in a healthy way to my T (I was very mad at her leaving). I wrote her a letter about how I felt about her and how I think therapy went. My suggestions to you is to write down what you want to say because you might be to emotional to remember it. Leave nothing left unsaid and talk to your T about your feelings. I know this pain and this grief as I am still dealing with it. My T and I stay in touch but its not the same. I can't talk about therapy things and the role is different. Our phone calls are just check ins so she can see how I am doing. It hurts to talk to her and know I don't have her support and I can't talk to her about everything anymore. Its better than nothing but its painful.

I am truly sorry you are facing this. A lot of people don't understand what its like to leave a therapist. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. If you want to vent or just want support you can PM me. I hope it gets better for you and you can heal from it.