Yay, for clarity! You have come to some amazing insights, almedafan.

I remember watching Educating Rita when it first came out, and actually I remember not liking it much! I may have to watch it again.

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for a second I focused on his eyes and not his words, they still had that warm look about them toward me and that is when I lost it and the crying began and seemed to never end

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Ahhhhh. I love that you saw his true meaning when you looked in his eyes. He really does care about you.

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He said that when someone I'm close to disappoints me, it is very painful for me. I've thought a lot about this and looked back over past sessions when I thought T disappointed me and what I did after those sessions.

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I think it is very, very painful when our T's disappoint us, more so than when other people do. We spend each week spilling our guts to them and letting them really get to know us, so it is so very painful when it doesn't go well. I guess the trick is to learn to deal with that disappointment and not be self destructive afterwards, or whatever disfunctional behavior one tends to engage in. For me, it is being depressed. If I have a bad session, I will get depressed. It took me a long time to discern this pattern. I would just think I was getting depressed and not know why, until I connected the dots.

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So, I've carved out the recent destructive stuff in my life which wasn't that hard to do.

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That is amazing progress. Good for you! You make it sound almost easy--what can't you do now?