Welcome to the forums, ErsaleEl. You've come to the right place for love and support.

There is a LOT going on in your story. I hope that you are in counseling right now. If you are not, I hope you will get a therapist soon. It would be great if your husband would join you for couples counseling, but if he won't right now, start with you.

Another place to get support is Al-Anon. It doesn't matter whether your husband is an alcoholic, or drug abuser, or not. They help an individual recover from co-dependent behaviors and develop healthier ways of being in relationships.

Best wishes for finding the resources you need. Keep coming back to the forums, too.