If...I could just be allowed to change what happened to me...

If... I could just in one of those flashback moments, change the outcome.. and make my past different.

If ..I could just have had one of the people who abused me.. just to have not done it

If.. I could just have had a choice of the treatment of my own body..

If.. one of them had done a mercy killing... of me..

If.. I could have chosen to not have been born at all

If.. I could have chosen death over what did happen

I would not be in such great.. overwhemling.. speechless... pain tonight..