You are grieving the end of a relationship. And it sounds like you are stuck. The letting go part (acceptance) is the end of grief. But it seems you are hurting yourself by not allowing the process to complete. The letting go part is not happening. This happens a lot more than you think. Your mind is refusing to do what you know you have to do in your heart. I'm sorry this happening to you. It may help to trick your mind. If you can keep your mind on something else long enough, perhaps it will allow you to let go. That means doing something for a long period of time that will keep you distracted, like reading a book or playing a video game. I know it sounds like a trite answer, but you really need to trick your brain into letting go.