Quote:
Originally Posted by ennui.
yeah i guess not lol.  it's odd, i'm indifferent about virginity otherwise and i don't give a fart what age others lose theirs, but i hold myself to different standards. someone could be 60 and a virgin, and i would not care. i would not think any less of them. but i guess right now i'm having kind of an internal crisis, because i always told myself no matter what i'd make sure i lost my virginity in my teens, even if very late teens. but if i still want that to happen i have only 4 months to make it happen. let's see... i'm 240 lbs., i never leave the house, i'm socially awkward... not desirable in the least... so yeah, unless i find some way to pay someone it's just not going to happen 'in time'. and if this were somebody else i wouldn't care, like i said. but to me it's loser central... might as well have it tattooed on my forehead or walk around with a neon sign... i'm very ashamed.  to me that kinda says ''least sexiest person alive".
i also just want romance too. i want it even more than sex. i need touch and affection and sweet words, but there is nobody to give that to me. i know self-love is important to, but it just doesn't work when it's from myself, and it makes me a little sad. i don't really want self-love anyway. i really tried at it but i couldn't make the feelings genuine.
it's also funny that you use treating myself like a friend as an analogy, because i don't have any friends either.
anyway sorry if i rambled, i'm very lonely. have cried about it more than once today. so i kinda just talk a lot at whoever gives me the time of day. my mom already blew me off. |
It's okay. Well, that would make the friend all the more precious, if she's the only one, at times.
And I guess hetero men and women meet each others needs. Sex for men, and cuddling for women. So it's like a little exchange. That's a broad sweeping statement, which at times is a little or a lot false, but for the most part it works kinda like that.
Don't hire anyone to lose your virginity. I'd be worried about his disease status, and general well being of the whole situation for you. You can worry about that with whomever you decide to be with, once you're publicly no longer single.
It's summer again so you could keep going with your weight loss, since you mention your weight.
Look how far you have come since a year ago! You might not think so, but from my view, you have had a lot of firsts this past year. So I look forward to seeing you be happier, as more of life unfolds for you.
