I can give you the story of my husbands divorce to hopefully answer some of your questions. Im not sure how much will apply to you, but here goes.

He left his wife and she was arrested for domestic violence. She abused him very badly and was removed from the home and he had sole custody of their son.

He had a lawyer and so did she. He agreed to let her have the house and everything in it in exchange for not paying alimony. This was decided early on through the lawyers.

When it came to custody and child support there was a battle and ended up taking about 2 years.
Where we live before you can go infront of the judge a mediator is mandated. They went to mediation without lawyers and could not agree to anything so it went to the judge.

At the court date, she was required to do anger management for 1 year, they have joint custody 50/50 and their son is required to see a local child therapist, who occasionally gives updates to the judge if something is very bad. Nothing bad has ever come up, so she just reports that the child is cared for.
On that court date they also settled child support amount. I want to add, by the time the final court date came, we couldnt afford the lawyer anymore (after about $18,000 over 1.5 years) so my husband went in and spoke for himself with no lawyer.

I would suggest speaking with a lawyer asap rven jusy for a consultation. Lawyers can be shared by both parties and keep everything out of court. When you get to mediation/court you both lose power. What i mean is, at that stage, the judge can say he will have custody every sunday, when thats something you both didnt want.
I also suggest you should be the one to file. It usually goes better for the person who files first. Not always, but thats a rumor i heard.

Another rumor i heard is dont leave the house. You will probably end up having to sell it and split the money. But, for the childrens sake, consistent living is important, and by moving them it isnt always ideal. Unless of course safety is an issue, in which case, leave asap.

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