Hi blue,

I am sorry I am just seeing this. I have missed several threads today for some reason.

You sound frustrated.

My grandmother passed earlier this year. I am also normally quite emotional. However, I was able to sit with her in respite and talk with her about everything, including her fear of death and more, without crying. Even when she had passed, I did not cry. I have cried much since, however.

Sometimes, I think we have a lot going on, on various levels. On a deeper level, our consciousness may know what we can tolerate at any time and in any given moment. I was exhausted when she had passed. I had a lot else going on in my life, additional demands I knew I had to get through. I did not "let down" with emotions until a couple of months later, when I had also gotten through the other demands.

I have also had times when emotions feel dulled by meds. It's very frustrating when this happens and there seems no way to override it.

In any case, you are you and you are doing your best.
Maybe it's just fine to allow yourself to just Be, as you are.
In time, you may be able to express some additional emotion in relationship to this loss?

(((((((((( bluebicycle and family ))))))))))))

It's very sweet, and conscientious, of you to be concerned.
You are a very open-hearted and kind person.

Healing Hugs,
WC