So I spent most of the day taking it easy because of my sore back. As it got into the evening I texted a friend who lives near me and told him if he wanted to do anything tonight he should just let me know. So he says he's at the annual July 4th festival they hold here every year and I should come down and meet up with him. I hadn't really planned on going to it because I don't do well in crowds and around loud music, but I thought it would probably do me good to get out for a while, so I went there. Except I texted my "friend" asking him where he was and he never answers. So I go wandering around the festival to see if I can find him, and of course I can't cuz there's like a thousand people there. And as I look around I get more and more upset because all around there are people enjoying themselves and hanging out with friends and loved ones and here I am, alone as usual. Seems like everywhere I look there's couples holding hands, etc. and I can't even get a date. A couple times I see a woman I think I might try to talk to but that's not me. I can't just walk up to someone I don't know and start a conversation. Not without being served with a restraining order, anyway. (Just kidding, friends.)

So I say to heck with it and start walking back to my car. And the whole time, as badly as I wanted to leave the festival a minute before now I feel like I should go back and stay a while. Who knows, maybe I'll run into someone I know and have a good time. But I'm frustrated because the only reason I'm there is my "friend" told me to come and then he blows me off so I'm on edge as it is, plus my back is killing me from all the walking. And as I'm walking back I see people hanging out here and there with friends and/or significant others and I just feel like such a loser because I never seem to find friendships like that, let alone relationships. I feel like I'm the weirdo who everyone avoids. When I was married my wife was (for the most part) the same way and so at least when I stayed home I wasn't just by myself. While I like to get out once in a while most of the time I'm content to just stay in and snuggle with someone.

Then as I'm driving home I occasionally see lights and TVs on in houses so I think to myself, see, you're not the only one who doesn't like going to the festival. And then also on the way home I see people having bonfires in their backyards and I just feel like the weirdo again. Just seems like there's not much point in all this. Was I put here just to wander through life alone?