Honestly, I have never realized not until I talked about it I finally admitted that I didn't care about myself and I was hurting myself by self destruction and now I have realized all this guilt I was carrying was me betraying my own happiness. Turning to **** everything good in my life I can't tell you how relieved I am that it is finally over and I got out the other side. I did this and it was so much easier then I thought it would be then carrying that guilt for all these years. It's over the cross I bared is now just ashes on the floor will never materializes no matter because I am aware of what I did and how I freed myself.This means that I never truly turned my back from myself and I can truly be forgiven for what I have done to myself the needless suffering I caused myself. This is the best day of my life I am free!!! I lay down today as a brand new woman