You are likely in shock.

Have you expressed to your boyfriend how much his words hurt you? I don't mean to offend you, but his behavior is not very boyfriend like.

Also, I'm very sorry to hear that your friend committed suicide. You have my condolences. Try to stay positive and reminisce about all the good times you had together.

You are of course welcome to talk to us about your struggles, but you may want to consider talking to your loved ones as well as your friends, especially those who knew your friend.

Stay strong, my friend.