Well there you go. This is the second time I've ever admitted it. As good as I try to be I can't stop hating myself for being flawed. I make mistakes everyday that just make life more complicated. Why the **** can't I get it right? I feel worthless when I make the smallest mistakes. I'm angry when I produce anything short of perfection and it's even worse if I have trouble even creating something.

I work in a fabrication shop we have everything short of a CNC lathe, and for the most part I do fine work. But man when I make a mistake it's like the whole ****ing day is ruined. I've had several times where I broke a part trying to fix a semi-complex machine, this led to me basically just giving up. I sit and brood back in my little workshop, where I can usually be by myself, and I just keep getting worked up in my head, constantly telling myself I suck, I can't do this right, why am I here, how the **** did I even get hired. And as much as I try I can't make it go away. I take deep breaths and try to relax but usually it just turns my aggravation into sadness and hopelessness and I just view myself as worthless. Usually after an hour I will just leave even though I may have only been there for way less than I'm supposed to be. I then hop on the bike and haul *** home, and when I say haul *** I'm moving well over the speed limit sometimes into triple digits if I'm in that bad of a mood. I cut cars off and give 0 ****s about others and this just makes me feel worse but I gotta get home. So I can smoke, which then of course I feel worse because I'm a ****ing addict that needs to fix his problems with drug use. So I smoke more and eventually I just smoke till I need to go to sleep or I'm basically catatonic sitting on the couch watching tv.

I don't really know what the point of this post was supposed to be. I guess a good thing to ask at this point is how do you guys cope with small things? Small self failures?