My cousin's husband (I live with my cousin, her husband and their 14 year old son)dislikes being around me for many reasons, mostly because of how I react to things. He is a "tough guy" type who never shows emotion. He seems to think that when I react to things I do it on purpose because he shakes his head at me when I do or tells me I'm being dramatic. Some examples I had with him:

1. Today in the car his son accidentally bumped my arm with the hot seatbelt and it burnt me. It also shocked me. I screamed really, really loud. He glared at me for 5 seconds and then shook his head and sighed. I understand how it may have hurt people's ears for me to scream but I don't know how to prevent this in the future when the .5 miliseconds between the pain and the reaction isn't enough time for me think about how I'm reacting and how it will affect others.

2. One time in a restaurant I said something to him and he thought I said something else and snapped at me really loud. I cried for 4 hours afterwards because I thought he hated me. I've been told by people since I was a child that I needed to "control my crying". I've tried. When something upsets me, I honestly feel like I lose control of the tears. I've tried holding my breath, thinking of something else, or closing my eyes but nothing works. It's the biggest mystery to me how someone can stop crying when told. Children get punished for crying alone...I don't see how it is possible to just turn something off. And if crying isn't necessary, why do we do it naturally in the first place? I don't enjoy it. It gives me a headache and makes me sick. And that day in the restaurant I was embarrassed enough to be crying in public and I wanted more than anything to stop. (I moved away from him the first chance I get so I didn't bother him, but he still expected me to just stop).

3. I gasp at sudden sounds because they hurt my ears and I get shocked easily. He doesn't understand this and again just expects me to be like him and not do it.

4.This one I feel really bad about. I scream in my sleep sometimes, that's what other people say. I have no memory at all of it, I'm completley asleep when I do. I have woke them up a few times. Again, I understand why someone would be upset about getting woke up but even though I wish not to do it I'm not sure what the solution is because I don't even remember when it happens.

Because he keeps everything inside, he is very miserable. He complains about everything under his breath and just never seems happy. Maybe reactions exist for a reason. I may cry for 4 hours, but at least it releases things and I don't permanantly keep it all inside. I just want to ask him where he defines the line for "dramatic". Had I just gasped when it hit me would that still be dramatic or is that reaction acceptable by him?

I also wish to add that he does nice things for me like helping me learn to write a check but does not understand me or my mental problems and doesn't want to understand.

Sometimes I will go places with them because I want to belong with my family, but something always happens and I am reminded of how much he hates me.