Well I just started a new job with our county after being unemployed for 2 years just 2 weeks ago. When I was called to be told that I was hired I was so happy. Well showed up early for my first day but feeling anxious because I want to do a good job. I'm on a 9 month probationary period. I was introduced to the whole department which consist 10 people. I am not good in remembering names but that was not my issue. When being introduced I notice everyone has worked for a year or less in that department except for the supervisor and her assistant. That gave me a red flag but I simply brushed it aside. The supervisor set up my email but she did not tell me to partake on some web conference. So I sat there doing nothing. Then she shouted out across the room "Why are you not in the conference?" I felt embarassed and ashamed as if I did something really bad.
One of my coworker is training me but there is one problem is that the person who is training me is always out of the office doing his or her task. So as a substitute I have somethere who is only a temp who is training me. OMG one tells me to do this way and the other one tells me another and it is so confusing to me.
If I make a mistake one coworker looks at me as if I'm stupid. Then I'm dealing with the public where I get yelled at. This is my first customer service job dealing with the public. I used to be an export coordinator and worked at a back office at a bank. So I did not deal with the public.
I can't handle the yelling because it draws me back during my abusive years as a child and teen. If I get repremanded like what my supervisor did over the email I tend to be embarassed and ashame to face my coworker. I feel all these feelings like incompetent, stupid because that is what I have been told consistantly growing up. Also I notice I have trouble following directions and sometimes I have trouble hearing over the phone so I tell customer to spell out their names slowly and clearly only to be yelled at.
I realize Customer Service is not for me and also I can not handle all this paper work and making sure everything is in order, and arranging schedule, and keeping tab who is here or not, and I have to be so careful how I make puncholes in the paper, make sure the labels on folders have to be precise or else the supervisor goes into a tirade.
Just last Friday, someone from payroll came passing thru and saw me. He said "O wow has it been 2 weeks ?" I told him yes, then he resonded "O wow I'm still surprise your still here. I'm surprised the supervisor hasn't scared you away yet". I"m looking at him and thought "Why am I getting a bad feeling about this job?". Also what is interesting I still do not know my employee number and I have a temporary badge.
Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but I do not feel comfortable being there after what I have been through in the past and my past employers where some where physically violent and verbal abusive. I can't handle be boxed in especially soon I will have to work 9 hours to get every other Friday off. My mother was so over protective that she sheltered me and I grew up in my bedroom (boxed in ) without seeing the real world. Now to be boxed in for working hours is making me so anxious.
Since I'm on probation, I feel like not giving notice that I want to resign.

Thank you for letting me rant.