(((((((((Candy))))))))))

It sounds like you hurt really bad right now. {{{{hug}}}} Venting is a good thing. Sometimes it's just what you've gotta do. I really know what you mean about being ready to do some serious damage in order to get some help. And after you have not done any for a few months, it seems to have a tendency to build up. I think that's when it is the most dangerous sometimes.

Who have you told that you need help? You can always talk to us here, but all we really can do is listen. Sometimes that isn't enough. Do you have a T? Have you told him/her what it's like for you lately? It may be scary to tell, but sometimes it's scarier not to, and it will be worse after you have done what you are thinking about. Can you just sit someone down and let them know, "I really need some help, and without it I am going to seriously damage myself." I hope you can find someone to tell. Please check in here and let us know what happens!
Love,
Wendy