It's easy to get into a lull in a marriage. I know my husband and I have, but I just keep trying to push through it as best I can. And it's slowly working. Mostly. I'm afraid at 9 years together ourselves, the spark and 'passion' has mostly simmered into warm glowing embers. I just refuse to believe this is it or that the fire will just die out completely until we're just ashes. Like you said, I'm in it for the long haul too. Which means work.

Unfortunately, a relationship requires both people to be equally involved and important. You can try everything in the world to reignite your romance and love, but if he's not willing to try as well, it won't do anything but break your spirit.

Councelling is a great idea, if you can get him to support you.

It sounds to me like your husband doesn't realize there is a problem. That's deadly to marital happiness. So if there's a way to communicate your unhappiness to him without making it sound like it's all his fault, that might be a good start. Also, take vocal responsibility for whatever part you may have played in the issues with your marriage, so he doesnt feel attacked. There's always something, however small. Relationships are always 50/50.

Men tend to be "fixers" by nature, as well as take a lot of pride in their prowess, manliness, ability to provide, etc. Maybe if you present your issues as a "I feel unloved, unappreciated, whatever, when you don't spend time at thw park with me and the kids (or in bed with me)" for example. Something pertinent to your specific situation, of course. If he's receptive to that, it might get the door open to where he recognizes there is a problem. Then, offer some clear solutions for him. Something that works for you, but that he won't just hate. Something he can do to "fix" things for you.

Also, try mixing things up. You didn't mention anything that he likes to do (or maybe I missed it), but for instance, my husband loves everything fishing, hunting, etc. I love kayaking, bicycling, and then a bunch of downright girly stuff too. I have made a concerted effort to learn to hunt, fish, and shoot. I've learned to fly fish from my kayak, because then we can both be happy. Freezing a tree stand on opening day of deer season is so not my idea of fun, but I do it every year because he adores it and loves the comraderie of having his woman there with him. Later I send him off with my blessing while I sleep in. Lol. Then, I ask him to go for a bike ride with me. It's not necessarily a quid pro quo thing. There's no expectation. Just a hope that by doing things for the other that we ourselves might not be so enthusiastic about, we build up our relationship. I've actually learned to really enjoy some of 'his' activiries too now.

Or, try something that neither one of you has ever tried. Go do something completely new and spontaneous together. A 'date night' might not hurt either, where you get the kids a sitter and just spend some time getting to know one another again.

Again, I don't know what your man enjoys and maybe you've already tried this, but maybe if you can spend time together, it would bolster your intimacy and rapport.

Biggest thing I've learned with my husband is that I have to always remember to let him know what I appreciate about him. Constantly. Then, I tell him as best I can what I need, why it's important to me, and what it means to me when he does it, whether it's simply taking out the garbage or some intimate fun that I really liked (then maybe stroke his ego about how good at it he was, so he'll do it again ). It's not foolproof, and bless the man's heart, sometimes he is so clueless, no matter how much I try to be clear, but he tries and that's all I really want.

Falling in love is an every day thing. It doesn't just happen once. I do it over and over again every day. It's so easy to just take one another for granted and get hung up on the things that make me crazy or let me down, but I consciously try to find the things about him that I admire too. And it works. I think he has to do the same with me. When I really need him to do something, even if it's just for my emotional happiness, I try to just flat out tell him, otherwise he blithely goes about his life ticking me off and letting me down, then gets befuddled when I snap at him.

I don't know if any of this even makes sense, but I hope so. Maybe it will help too. Maybe not. But if you're committed to your marriage and so is he, but you're unhappy - that's no way to live. Life's too short. Maybe you can kickstart things by trying a new approach.

Good luck and I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not so lonely. I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope he comes around and realizes what he's missing.