Dear Annoyed,
Many of us come to the pyschcentral forums because we are ashamed of things we have done and require an anonymous place to speak of those things. I've failed at so many things and have done terrible things yet, this year, at times, I've been able to be happy at times and had the chance to do good things too. There are some things I will never be able to think of without experiencing shame, anxiousness, and sadness; yet, as I write this to you; I am glad to be alive. Please hang in there! Do what you have to do in order to survive. For instance, I am ashamed that I had to file for bankruptcy but in order to improve my depression, I had to remove that stresser. I thought the relationships with my primary family were beyond repair. They still are not perfect but are so much better now that I am a little more accepting of my vulnerabilities. Please hang in there! Good things are only possible if you keep trying. I'm in my 50s, life has a lot of ups and downs. The downs usually eventually pass but when your in it, it sometimes feels like the final, sad chapter. You might be able to create a better ending than what you are experiencing now. I don't want to die now; yet, if I was told I had a terminal illness, I would feel gratitude that I had not died last year when I was so depressed. Suicide creates trauma for others. I hope you are not considering it.
Please keep trying. -Myst