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Originally Posted by just2b
So struggling with trying to figure out what I want to do and which is not influence by other parts of the mind. In second semester of school and feel like I want to leave. I seem to be always looking for something better to do. Want to work but don't have enough experience in something or my schedule doesn't work. Today I see T and we will probably talk about this, know that a part wants to sabotage my school efforts, so is this her attempt?? Yet I in the most adult mind also think I'd rather be working than doing homework. I am in Graphic Design. I've been stressed out over coming up with designs for every assignment and think I just don't like the whole process of doing it. A few times I know other parts of my mind have helped, but suddenly I am starting to feel kinda depressed. Don't want to do anything. Don't eat three meals, and I chronically deal with physical pain and of course I am in pain today. My T thinks my pain is related to my mind.yet not entirely. She has seen me over two and half years so she may be on to something. Just wondering if anyone else struggles like this? How do you know what you want over your parts? Or is there compromise? What would it look like? Feel so alone my T is all I've got. And she of course isn't available all the time. So my thoughts go around in my head bouncing off the same ideas and wants that I can't see clearly enough to even know if I am in most adult part of mind now. Thanks
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I didn't find out I was DID until I was in my early fifties. I have worked a lot of jobs in the 40 years. I also never ever felt quite settled in work. But my main job was working for government so I was able to take exams and get promotions that would offer me a chance to change my work while keeping my job. I was there 22 years until I got laid off when the economy went south. I too went to school. It took me forever to get a two year degree. I didn't take school seriously until I was in my late thirties early forties. I really excelled when I put my mind to it and we all felt good. But we were in a car accident and that caused memory loss, so that was that. I always wanted to complete my BA. You should explain to your parts that school will give you a certain amount of job security and also open up doors to jobs that require a degree,jobs you may all want to be doing. I have an Associate degree. But when laid off I found out real quick it couldn't get me the jobs I needed to pay my bills.
I am ok with my life today. I have a son who is my life and a sister who is my best friend. Neither know about my system and it works well this way. I have only told them that I dissociate and that I have ptsd from our childhood. Nobody would question that.
I think trying school when you are feeling better will give you and your system a multitude of options in employment and the freedom to pick and choose. There is freedom in education. And freedom feels good for everyone. I hope some of that resonated with you. I wish you well.