Let me see... no job, no love, few friends (and no good ones), unattractive, depressed, getting stupider by the minute and I can look back and say "yep, THAT was stupid of me" on dozens of events

And that is on my good days.

I am also running out of options so I 100% know your feelings

But I am also angry. There are things that happened because I was in the throes of an illness that took away me, the smart guy who works hard or an external circumstance have no control over, like the death of the greatest friend I have ever known. I don't deserve what has happened to me

And you don't either

So I guess my next question is ... what is your backup backup plan? I think I am going to give up on finding a job here and try going overseas to teach English