It must be so freeing in so many ways to be off the meds, I definitely get it. I struggle very often with tossing them because of all of the side effects, so I just can't blame you there, it's perfectly understandable.

Unfortunately, though, what goes down, must eventually come up with BP, unmedicated, and it sounds like you're going up, though gradually. But because you're not in the stratosphere yet, you still have time to even things out.

Can you talk to your pdoc about taking a different medication than Zyprexa? Ask him/her about something that won't have at least most of those side effects? I think maybe that should be the next step, especially given what happened that put you on that med in the first place. I know it's hard to remember how awful it was when things are good (which they are now, in some ways?).

I admire how aware you are of your moods and what's going on with you generally, you seem to have a lot of insight. Best of luck to you!