Now that I have my vacations I'm feeling as if I ran out of energy. It was such a stressing course. Fighting to do the things well, facing to anxiety, fighting against my thoughts that are always telling me that I'm not a normal person, feeling incompetent.
One more year, I was about to quit my profession.
I'm now analysing all I could have done better, because it's never enough. I always feel incompetent.
I guess it's my perfectionism. I'm so fed up with it. I only can focus on the negative side and blame myself when something is not working or there is a problem.
I receive affection from the most part of my kids but I only consider the ones who confront me. I feel it like a rejection and I blame myself.

All these years of therapy helped me to cope with social interactions. I can do things in a natural way that I couldn't even dream of before. But, in regards my self-esteem issues or my tendency to avoid contact situations if I'm not forced to them, I didn't get anything.