sHi, I'm Tom. I'm 28, working on myself, but struggling. I just joined this site today because I thought this might be a place where I could ask for help/advice. I've always felt uncomfortable about posting on a public forum, but am trying to move past that. So, this is new to me and not something I normally do. Usually I'd talk to my friends/family or my therapist, but am trying something different to hopefully find some answers.

I can't think of a graceful way to segue into my question/issue, so I'll just start.

I don't know of a time when I didn't struggle with self-esteem. It's never made sense to me why this is such a struggle, because I'm a perfectly intelligent person with a lot to like about myself. And yet, I never believe I'm enough. I feel shame because this kind of struggle directly affects my masculinity and makes it even harder to deal with. I've done work pretty much my whole life on depression/anxiety and self-esteem but I'm hitting a wall and feeling really down.

In April '16, I broke up with a woman who was my first "real" love. I had always feared that I would never be able to meet someone, but then I finally did after many many hours of working on myself. We dated for awhile - about a year and a half - but it didn't work out for a variety of reasons. Since then, I've tried to re-integrate into the world of dating and sex, but I just seem to keep failing. Intellectually, it makes perfect sense to me that I would be struggling after the breakup. And yet, I still feel like I *could* (not necessarily should) be ready to be with another woman (or women, because I'm not looking for anything serious). I'm angry, sad, afraid, and uncertain because of where I am in my life vs what I want and where I would like to be. Yet I know deep down that these things can't be rushed or forced...which I hate. Part of the problem is that I have social anxiety. It gets in the way of so many opportunities to meet and connect with women - on top of all the ****** emotions I'm dealing with from the breakup. I've also been thinking lately that maybe I'm just not ready to get back out there. I want to be, but every time I'm in a situation where I could be with a woman, there's something inside me that stops it from happening. I overthink everything prior to the date/meetup, and then to cope with my anxiety, I set all of these hopes/expectations. Then I meet her and am disappointed because my expectations were not met. Or, I'll be with her and will clam up or find myself feeling extremely anxious. I know why I'm struggling, and I'm trying to get out of my own way but I just don't know how and it just really sucks. I'm also just starting to get my life back, but in that area I also don't think I'm enough. I have few friends, and haven't been doing much socially. Overall, I'm feeling unappealing to the opposite sex and just hurting a lot. I don't want to feel this way, and I want to figure out what I can do about it.

I hope this all makes sense. It's a jumble inside my brain, so trying to explain it is difficult. Thanks for reading.

- Tom