It's late and I should be going to bed soon, but there's been all this guilt, shame, self-hatred, and anxiety growing inside me. I don't even have a right to it. I don't feel like elaborating, but even meds aren't helping right now. I want to cry but can't. I want to talk but am at last too ashamed; it's not worth it. So I'm just here, listening to fireworks and waiting for some downloads and hoping I can feel motivated to live tomorrow.