Dear ElsaMars. Very sorry that you had to end your relationship with your brother. Yes, it's really hard to cut a family member out of one's life. You wrote: " I mourn the loss of the brother I wish I had, but do not miss the actual treatment I received from him." I totally relate. I think I imagined what a sister "was like" or what it "was like" to have a sister, and a real relationship with a sister. My whole family on my Dad's side -- extended and all of them -- are very private and secretive about their lives and our family history. They try to make the whole history of our family seem like roses. "We" (as a family) look great on the outside, but on the inside, it's a mystery to EVERYONE, perhaps even including themselves. Three people, with no prompting from me, including my therapist, said the same words, before I dropped my sister: "Seems like you are on again/off again with your sister." Or maybe they said, "up again/down again." But that, too, was a wakeup call. I was joyous and happy for 2-3 days when we seemed like we were getting along, then bottoming out, angry, resentful, etc the next time we had a conversation (phone or email). One time my therapist asked: "What benefits you in your relationship with your sister?" I blurted out "NOTHING!" Pow -- it just came out. Then we talked a little more and he said, "Well, you get family unity." I said "It's not worth it to me." It was shortly after that, that I dropped her. I don't remember if I explained to her why I was dropping her. But I DO know that I told her the bottom line is that she does not want to work on our relationship. I don't know if you saw what I wrote somewhere at this Forum, that over 15 years ago, my sister and I acknowledged that we were having communication problems. So I suggested then, that the two of us go together to her therapist, then my therapist (didn't care which came first) and work on our communication problems. Her response? "I don't want to spend my time that way." I wrote her at the time I dropped her, about that conversation and her decision. I told her that her response was burned into my brain. That I was shocked and very sad. Bummed out. I said, that was the bottom line for me.