jin,

I believe our past is hard to just forget because abuse taught us things, bad things -- wrong things -- about ourselves. It teaches us that we feel safer alone, when what we need and deserve are loving connections to others. Abuse teaches us that we don't get to have our bodies and spirits respected, when what we need is to be respected and nurtured. And for many of us, we learned not to trust our own judgment about others.

Now, in recovery, we must teach ourselves new things. We must teach ourselves that we are worthy of love from others and ourselves. We must teach ourselves that we are o.k. and deserving of the best of life because of our inherent worth as humans. And we must come to believe that now, with years and experience behind us, we are better able to protect ourselves and make safe judgments about others.

I know this is hard, but you are worth the effort. For me, the process of teaching myself new things began by deliberately taking better care of myself -- mind, body and spirit -- EVERY hour of the day. In time, I could come to believe that I deserved to take good care of myself.

And, I believe that therapy helps with this process. It is painful, to be sure, but we need to grieve over what has been lost and endured. And we deserve to grieve. In my experience, the most peaceful moment of my life came when I finally was no longer too afraid to cry. The tears wouldn't stop, and I was so relieved finally not to be ashamed of how I felt and not afraid to let others see it.

I wish you well on your journey to a more peaceful life. We are here for you.

mtd