Even though I was practicing a lot, mainly while working with people, keeping an eye contact for me - especially during conversations with less known ones, because the ones that know me got used to it - is like someone throws a heavy stone in my stomach. I don't really know, how to describe it, but it's just very, very overwhelming thing, like a wave, maybe. It makes me feel exhausted after a while. I get so emotional while speaking, that my eyes automatically go down and it makes me look stressed and vulnerable. On the other hand, I have a really weird, "strong" gaze and when I look at someone while he speaks, I know I tend to look very hostile. This is also about my body gesture. When I was 10 my mother's friend told me I'm a really fake, ungenuine person, because I don't make an eye contact. I feel bad with the thought that people think I'm fake and it bothers me. For example, today I was visiting my friend in a beauty salon, the women who work there are her friends, and it was very noisy and chaotic, so I was making all the possible mistakes during conversation bc I couldn't get it together and they were asking a lot of questions, and the friends was talking about me and I couldn't focus, so then I had this thought "They're gonna tell her I'm not a good person and she shouldn't be friends with me". I had actually have many interpersonal meetings last three days and today I just felt sick and agitated, so I need to take a break. It's hard for me to watch myself during such situations, because I see how bad I'm doing exactly. Or I don't see that and worry about what I've missed.