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Old Jul 05, 2016, 04:30 AM
Anonymous37904
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" Men tend to be "fixers" by nature, as well as take a lot of pride in their prowess, manliness, ability to provide, etc. Maybe if you present your issues as a "I feel unloved, unappreciated, whatever, when you don't spend time at thw park with me and the kids (or in bed with me)" for example. Something pertinent to your specific situation, of course. If he's receptive to that, it might get the door open to where he recognizes there is a problem. Then, offer some clear solutions for him. Something that works for you, but that he won't just hate. Something he can do to "fix" things for you.

Also, try mixing things up. You didn't mention anything that he likes to do (or maybe I missed it), but for instance, my husband loves everything fishing, hunting, etc. I love kayaking, bicycling, and then a bunch of downright girly stuff too. I have made a concerted effort to learn to hunt, fish, and shoot. I've learned to fly fish from my kayak, because then we can both be happy. Freezing a tree stand on opening day of deer season is so not my idea of fun, but I do it every year because he adores it and loves the comraderie of having his woman there with him. Later I send him off with my blessing while I sleep in. Lol. Then, I ask him to go for a bike ride with me. It's not necessarily a quid pro quo thing. There's no expectation. Just a hope that by doing things for the other that we ourselves might not be so enthusiastic about, we build up our relationship. I've actually learned to really enjoy some of 'his' activiries too now

Biggest thing I've learned with my husband is that I have to always remember to let him know what I appreciate about him. Constantly. Then, I tell him as best I can what I need, why it's important to me, and what it means to me when he does it, whether it's simply taking out the garbage or some intimate fun that I really liked (then maybe stroke his ego about how good at it he was, so he'll do it again ). It's not foolproof, and bless the man's heart, sometimes he is so clueless, no matter how much I try to be clear, but he tries and that's all I really ..."

My apologies for the format...I don't know how to quote another's post. But THIS above is excellent advice, IMO.

I don't know of any online counseling sites. I think your marital problems are important enough to warrant making time to do counseling in person. If you can make time for hobbies and he has time to stay home...you can squeeze counseling in there. Not a criticism, just an observation.

Also, he may need an extra nudge that you really would like him to go out and do something with you. I'm an introvert and my partner is an extrovert. I'm content to stay at home and he loves to go out. It energizes him while it zaps my energy. I need to recharge at home.

However, we can and do meet in the middle. I can do an amusement park a couple of times a year and I do so. We also do both enjoy going out to eat and do that regularly. I like movies and I'm content to watch them at home. However, if he really wants to see one at the theater, I'll go with him or he will go with a friend.

Speaking of friends, how about going out with friends while he relaxes at home? My partner loves doing things with me but understands I'm not always up to going out. I never try to convince him to stay home with me. Instead, I encourage him to go out with friends, etc. He does that and he goes out on his own, too. Last week he went to the gardening store to pick up potting planters. He asked if I wanted to go and I said no, so he went on his own. When he arrived home, we gardened together and we were both happy.

Occasionally, he really wants me to do an outside activity with him. He communicates with me about it and I will get out of my comfort zone and go. It brings us closer and I find that it is healthy for me to get out of the house.

I hope these suggestions help you.
Hugs from:
Wild Coyote
Thanks for this!
Wild Coyote