have been with my partner for 7 years this year and we have two wonderful children, one age 5 and one almost 1.

I went away with some girlfriends and my sister in law a couple of months ago and long story short I cheated on him. This is bad enough but I did it a few doors down from my partners sister who says she could also hear us.

I just cant understand why I would allow this to happen. There is a long story to how this came about but long story short as mentioned it was the second night of the trip away. We went to Spain where I use to live and on the 2nd night out I lost the girls in a pub. I looked for them and couldn't find them and on the way back to the hotel with one of the guys staying there we went on the beach and in the sea. It was stupid and being drunk i didn't look at the situation that i didn't know him and anything could have happened. Nothing had happened with him on the beach we were just talking about me living there and that I use to go there with a best friend who past a few years ago.

After the beach we went back to the hotel and I went straight to my room, I was greeted by my sister in law who was very angry as I had lost them and she didn't know where I had been. I did and do understand why she was mad but the situation escalated quickly and after a hostile argument which became very personal after being accused of cheating with this guy on the beach, i decided to pack and leave the room. I wasn't sure where I was going but I knew I needed to leave.

When i left the room, the guy was only a few doors down and he opened the door to check i was OK as he could hear us arguing. I asked if I could stay there until it calmed down in the morning. I had been crying and ranting in his room for a while and regrettably after he comforted me to calm me down we did then end up sleeping together.

I just cannot understand why I would do this??!! Although things were not 100% perfect at home things were not bad, I love my partner and was happy.

The next day I eventually got my belongings out the safe as I had had my things locked away so I could not leave. I booked a flight home and came home a day early. I did call him before getting to the airport too to tell him what had happened and I would have always told him when i got home but I did not want him to find out from someone else.

Since then, we have tried to make it work but it is very difficult as it would be. His family and our close friends from that circle have explained they will never speak to me again from what happened which is making is harder for us. I do understand why his sister is mad and disgusted as I am with my self and would be had it been my in law.

It is harder as his family and 'friends' have also ensured that everyone we know knows, this making it extremely difficult. He is being invited places without me, the kids are invited but it is so apparent i am not being spoken to which I am finding hard. I know this is my mistake but I feel if this was my 'friend' I would not not speak to them because of a bad mistake they made. (not sure if i am allowed to think like that given the circumstances)

I know this is going to be a long process but I just wish I knew why I would have allowed this to happen even being as drunk as I was.

I love my partner so much but not we are broken and I do not have a reason as to why I allowed it to happen. I've broken friendships and a family and although I don't feel they have helped with telling everyone, it still shouldn't have happened.

Any advise on how I can get to an understanding on why I did this and any advise to help me restore this would be really appreciated!!

PLEASE HELP I AM SO CONFUSED!!!!