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Yeah I tried talking about it. He says it's all me, I'm changing, I'm projecting this on him. When I say well what about x y and z all showing you changed, he gets defensive. He even agreed with me that he was mean, but didn't apologize or anything or see that maybe I'm right and he is taking out some anger on me.
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Petra5ed,
I hope this doesn't feel like I am minimizing your experience, but I recently went through the same thing. It drove me to quitting, only to go back shortly thereafter. After I quit, things have been much better.
We discussed emotional deprivation and whether or not he was deliberately provoking my anger in order to 'work through it'. He said he wouldn't do that, but I did mention how this contradicts other things he's said.
Things have gotten much better ever since. In my case, it seems like what resolved the issue was him seeing his role in this rather than just saying it was all me. He gets defensive too, so it took a while.
Sorry things are so rough.