OK, so I've been seeing T for two years this month. I have never had any type of physical contact with him-- none. Zero. Not even shaking hands. Of course the bigger issue of wanting him to hold me and all that is there-- but I think that at this point, even if T shook my hand, I would pass out from shock.

I saw my pdoc today for the 2nd time ever. At the end of the session we shook hands. He was so nonchalant about it; he extended his hand out to me like it was the obvious thing to do. I shook his hand and then realized that he is the 1st mental health professional I have ever had to initiate physical contact with me, with the exception of my 1st T hugging me on termination day.

I engage in physical contact with my patients as long as it's okay with them and I feel that it is appropriate. Three patients have initiated a hug, which I was okay with. Sometimes patients reach out and want to hold my hand while they talk with me. If someone is really out of sorts, I might say, "I am right here next to you. Is it okay if I put my hand on your arm now?" I often shake hands for hello and goodbye purposes.

Does my T think that if he even touched my hand, all would fall apart? That I would jump on him? That I would spiral into a horrific mess of erotic transference and never come out?

I don't expect him to hug me, or even touch me on the hand. But that doesn't mean that I don't want him to. I need to sort out all of this strangeness.

Do I tell him? Do I say, "Hey... by the way, Pdoc shook my hand.... isn't that weird? You never shook my hand. What the %#@&#! is wrong with you?" lol