Quote:
Originally Posted by Pflaumenkeks
I don't think I want him to do this -'out of the kindness of their [his] heart'.
I want him to do this because he is an adult who has the same responsibility as I do. This has nothing to do with kindness.
When I am doing it, nobody talks about "kindness", everyone can tell that it's my job and so is his. Esp since I am the one having a job.
But I think deviding up chords might help. We tried with a list were you are free to choose, so there is a written form for this, but it seems it's not enough.
@littleCat thanks for your advise, too! But I refuse to treat an adult like a child, esp when I know that when he was living alone, he was capable of doing all this.
So it seems it's more a question of not feeling responsible.
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I will say this with regards to refusing to treat an adult like a child. Umm. I get where you're coming from but part of what irks me about not just some women but I think all women I've ever been with is that they equate not being responsible for chores the same as the women as being "childish" I'm sorry that this struck a nerve for me but why is it that everytime a male does not act according to the ways a female wants them to, they are a child? Does it strike anyone else as demeaning and insulting to the person in question?
Irresponsible, Sure, is it not respectful to make you do all the chores, yes entirely but part of what I see here and I'm guessing, is that when you do get angry at him, I will guess that this attitude that he's being like a "child" comes out and to be honest (this is not a defense of his actions) if it comes out in words "why can't you be like an adult and [such and such]" only serves to make most men dig in their heels more or at the very least, resent the statement.
Only reason I mention this is, in any relationship, respect is necessary. Many times, from both sides we demand respect, mutual responsibility and other things but in our demanding such things we forget to treat the other person as our equal, our match, or partner in life. Perhaps it's not so much that he disagrees with you, but that your approach to getting him to take things on the same as you do, may need some adjustment. I am NOT excusing his behavior, I am merely addressing the fact that you stated every few months this conversation happens. I hope that makes sense.
On another note, typically (not always) we men do not think the same as women. Priorities in our minds are different and unfortunately we really do need to be reminded of the things that you take for granted are necessary in life such as clean clothes, kitchen and other chores. Accept that sure when we are alone and single we will do these things but even then it's not out of natural behavior but there is no one else there to do those things.
Honestly it may be something that will slip on his end time and again but I do believe you can motivate him enough to help out more and lengthen the time he is able to keep it up.
I hope my post does not sound overly critical, I'm merely trying to give a male's point of view here. In my house, I pay for everything, I am the lease owner, my ex who is living with me for now, is the same way and claims no one (none of the men) will do anything to clean up. i do, at times but it's not as pressing of a need like it is for her. but I will say my place was somewhat cleaner with her not around, even though at the time it was just me, it wasn't like a constant everyday pressing need to clean either...