We are two men in this relationship. Okay I am genderqueer, but more on the male side, so the "women are just different" is not working in this case (and just. don't)
You are talking about respect: for me his behaviour feels very disrespecfull towards me. (And again: the child comment was about the suggestion on "bribery and reward"). When we have this argument it's not me saying he is childish. It's me saying that I'm noticing that I do a lot more and him jumping in that it all will get better and making suggestions. which will last for about 2-3 weeks.

I am all for tools for solving this but just saying "well men are that way" seems to be a bit a comftable "well it's not my fault" opt-out (sry if I am beeing rude here but this is something even my partner doesn't believe in). I hate cleaning too, but I feel responsible, esp. since we have a child. Why is it that some people don't?

I don't even have to argue with him about the status quo. Sometimes he is the one coming to me saying he feels guilty because he's beeing lazy and so.

It's very exhausting for me to motivate him. I have the options between using my energy for cleaning myself or motivating him, so in both cases part of my daily energy is used here. In that case it really would be more simple for me to live separate (which is also a question of money), so I am looking for a long term sollution that spares me that part of energy.

My first impuls was just to let the anger out (hence this rant).
Because I know that I am not objective here I don't want to treat him unfair and needed to calm down first.

I loved your replies and I hope maybe in future I don't come to this point of frustration. I am sorry that I always jumped into defense mode, I guess I wasn't ready for real critic and wanted to swim in my self-pity