No problem.....thank you for the apology

"Kindness of the heart" is JUST a TERM I use which probably not accurate actually. I always had the problem personally where I expected the other person to read my mind & know the needs & I equated that to the "kindness of their heart" to be able to know whats needed to be done & do it without my asking because I always figured in was the "kindness of my heart" (really AWARENESS of what needs to be done & doing it) that would do the same for them if needed.

Oh I remember the days of getting this resolved after I first got married because I SWORE that I was NOT going to be (in my case) the "housewife" & that EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE EQUAL!!!!! I was going to be NOTHING LIKE MY MOTHER!!!! This was back in the days when equality was just getting started (many moons ago) & I was constantly BREAKING anything that was tradition.

I equal responsibility with everything around the house & expected cooperation with everything that was needing to get done. I was in the process of getting my degree & working full time between semesters to get money to pay for my next year at the university & part time during the school year. I was getting my degree in Accounting & computer science so it was a LOT OF WORK. To top if off, we lived in this cruddy apartment & HE didn't like the community washers & dryers so laundry had to be packed up & taken over to my parents house where they only had a washer but no dryer so we had to get there early enough in the day to be able to hang out the cloths & get them dry & as the days got shorter in the fall, that meant getting there as early as possible......well, he didn't want to get out of bed & the sheets were desperately needing washed. I gave him 5 minutes to get up & get out of bed or I was doing to dump a pitcher of ice water on him. He blew me off thinking I didn't mean what I said......he was wrong & ended up getting a pitcher of ice water dumped on him. Sheets were getting washed anyway so it didn't matter if they got wet. It got him out of bed, but it would have been so much nicer if he had just cooperated in the first place.

We finally got most of it sorted out, but he was always pissy about having to straighten up everything so the cleaning lady could do her weekly cleaning.

When I ended up loosing my career 20 years later, his attitude came back. Guess he thought I was home so I could just pick up after him because he would just come in after work & dump his stuff down & leave it. I got so angry I quit doing EVERYTHING to "GET EVEN" & started living in my own wing of the house until I was finally able to leave way too many years later. That was a miserable existence I wouldn't want anyone to go through.

Relationships don't work when one feels taken for granted or when resentment sets in. I think resentment is the hardest thing to counter in any relationship. Best to get things resolved in a good way that works for everyone. Having defined tasks that each are responsible for & committing to STICKING TO THEM seems to be the best way to sort it out & COMMUNICATION when any change needs to happen or when something isn't actually working out well.

It took me years after I finally left to figure out what all I had been dealing with that made the relationship impossible & what the underlying reasons were for the cause of his behaviors & his inability to be able to communicate & be communicated with & why having a REAL partnership with him was impossible. Helped me to know but it wasn't anything that could have ever been fixed.