I was wondering your diagnosis,how long you have suffered self harm and what the class is you were waiting for. I have dealt with self harm since I was about 14 It escalated at 15 when I became aware of sexual abuse I had deeply suppressed for most of my life. I was diagnosed borderline personality . Basically feeling a need to punish myself for many things valid or imagined. I have cut for every reason from attention to hopeful death. I was blessed to find Dialectical Behavior Therapy which gave me the knowledge that I was accountable for my actions and more importantly gave me skills to stop cutting when I was ready. I battled typical psych treatments and hospitalizations for another 7 or 8 years. Struggling to make my self harm remissions longer after each time I relapsed. It seemed 1 year between cutting episodes was all I could manage for a long time. I was in much despair thinking I would never be able to stop. More honestly afraid no matter what drugs or treatments the urges and desires to cut would never go away. Finally at 25 or 26 I severed all ties with the mental health profession and got my Pdoc to treat my psych problems. He prescribed 10 mg Zyprexa one a day and wellbutrin 300mg a day. It will be three years come march in 2005 that I have been able to refrain from cutting. While on these meds and not always being prompted to think about it by therapists The urge and desire actually toned down to a faint whisper only once in a very blue moon. I am concerned because since I stupidly stopped takink the Zyprexa a month ago I have noticed the faint whisper gaining volume. I would like you to know no more is possible when you are ready. I am very interested in finding out more about other peoples experiences with self harm and how they deal or what triggers them. Especially since I have been thinking more about cutting myself lately. I totally understand the whole point of do self harm and get paid attention to or heard or taken seriously as apposed to trying to verbalize the need for help. Please write back. I pray you are able to forge through this current urge or maybe, not that I promote self harm but maybe just a small wound instead of something so potentially fatal. Please know I care and will be thinking about you. Try to use your list of distractions if you have one otherwise you might think of creating one. Live one minute at a time and hang in there.