Hi there, I'm not emo unless you count bipolar. Ugh. Maybe that counts lol

Don't worry about age, at least that's my strategy. Responsibilities, yes. Age? Nah.

I'm glad you posted. You're a good writer even when you're upset. You can still have troubles despite your upbringing. They could even be a cause, who knows? Maybe you are depressed and feeling a lack of meaning in life?

It was pointed out to me in therapy that I can't control how I feel, but I can control my actions. Ergo, you can't control how you feel. Stop struggling with how you feel. If you accept your feelings, even the negative ones, you can let them float away like a bubble in a comic strip. It's a DBT strategy. It helps with practice. Recognize you're feeling, identify it, experience it for a reasonable amount of time, and then gently let it drift away. I'm no therapist but maybe that will help?

Please don't SI. I don't know much about it and I'm sure it's much more complicated than that. Can you find an alternative to hurting yourself? Can you hire an experienced therapist with expertise as to your illnesses or problems? You're smart. Be true to yourself. Take care.