Hi tominthepresent....you do have a lot going on in your head at the moment. These things can lay us low, I know. Are you seeing a T right now?
If I may ask, do you feel as if you have grieved enough for your first love, that you are "over" her? I'm just wondering if part of the issue is that it took a long time to find her, she was your first love, and you mentioned women you meet sometimes don't live up to your expectations.
If you use online dating, try talking online for quite sometime before you meet in person. This helped me in the past. I felt like I already knew them when we met f2f. Or, just get out there (online or wherever) with a view to just making a friend.
You sound impatient with the process. Are there any enjoyable things about being single? Your username suggests you try to be in the "now". Can anything be enjoyed there if this issue is put aside for the moment?