Without sza and ptsd I'd be in my junior year of undergrad for a BA in math. I would have friends and family. I would be able to trust people, and I would be able to handle taking more than one class at a time without going manic, mixed, or depressed. I wouldn't be able to say I've spent half a year in hospitals, and my skin wouldn't be scarred to ****. My veins wouldn't have as much scar tissue as they do now from all the blood work I've had due to being on clozapine. I would be able to stay awake for more than 10 hours a day and I would be able to sleep without taking heavy duty medications.
I imagine it would be a life much better than this ****.