Hey friends, I have something new to worry about. A friend of mine shares my feelings of being fed up where we live and wanting a fresh start, and she asked me if I would want to move to either Virginia or North Carolina with her. Now for years when I was married I would tell people how I dreamed of just up and going away and starting over, but talking about it and doing it are two different things. They say that depression makes it hard for people to make decisions, and that is definitely true of me. It's kind of a family trait to have trouble making up one's mind, and the depression only makes it worse.*

It would be different if I had some sort of career and was offered a job out there, but what she wants to do is just up and move and sort it all out when we arrive. To be honest that freaks me out. I would want to make at least a couple trips out there and right now I don't have either the money nor the ability to take the time off. And when I start to think about all this the spiraling starts... well, maybe if I had some sort of goal or plan for life the path would be clearer, but then I've got to figure that out, and then I need to figure out do I go back to school or just try to get a job at entry level... it's just maddening. Any time I think about things like this I feel like I'm looking at a plate of spaghetti and trying to figure out which noodle I want to eat first. (Okay, that might not be the best analogy but it's all I've got right now.)

Sometimes I think maybe I'm just one of those people with deep roots who isn't meant to move around a lot. It amazes me when I meet people who have lived in so many different places in their lifetimes. I've never lived more than 90 miles away from my hometown.*

I should really be talking to a therapist about this but there's a problem there too. My job is really stressing me out and I feel like I should really leave it before I really have a meltdown, but that would mean right away I'd be without insurance again. I know I'm probably exaggerating but this is how I see life - like I'm constantly just hanging on by a thread and one wrong move and I'm done for. I don't know. I could go on and on but it's getting late.

Oh, and one other thing - the reason my friend wants to move to that part of the country is she ran into a high school crush of hers who lives out there now. Not a boyfriend, but just a guy she really wants to be with. Now I wouldn't be living with her or anything, so I could do it on my own, but it just seems to me that that's not the best reason to move across the country.

Can anyone help?