hey guys. thanks for all the support. i didnt expect this!
i don't think i want to break up though, even though he's controlling he says he will work on it, and i also think i can handle it.
also, i think i'm a problem in my own relationship too. the reason why i dont feel happy is because im not happy, and nothing seems to be able to change that.
maybe my boyfriend notices that, idk. still, i dont think he's really a problem. sometimes he really can be, and really hurts me emotionally. but when we have a fight we both hurt each other.

i'm a little depressed, not as bad as a while ago, but it still feels bad always.
i'm not sure what to think about it, and how to see it:
is depression just a mental illness?
i heard from people that it doesn't necessarily have a cause, and you can just feel like life has no use and dont really feel something that you can always think of and see what you're doing it all for.
or maybe everyone has it?
or maybe there is always a cause of why you are always feeling sad, some hidden frustration or something that you have to fix.. it'd be a way easier that way if i just knew what it was and how i should fix it.
people sometimes ask me why i am depressed, well, i just try to explain how i feel and mostly they dont understand..

i went to several clinics and people who said they wanted to help me, but it only got worse since they really didnt understand, and were impatient with me. so i dont think that's a solution.

people always tell me if you are unsatisfied with something, you should change it.
the only thing i feel unsatisfied with is that i am always unsatisfied for no reason.

i explained someone the other day: i see life through some black and white filter. i can imagine how i thought like when i was a kid, and not depressed, but it immediately flips back into the way im feeling now.

to answer the question XDD i'm 17 years old! i'm almost 18, in the 30th of July.