I do not post often. I have spent my time raising a child whom I had for fourteen months. She was taken away from me a little over a month ago. I also spend my time with my quasi adult children and their crisis after crisis.

However, here is the hook. I was reacting to the emotional trash I was being slammed with from the foster care agency. We were ready to adopt this little girl. Bit by bit in the 2 months prior to their taking her away the people I dealt with were more and more abusive. Now of course I can smell the energy before I reach the door or answer the phone.

This whole thing has harmed me more then I have words for. My Baby MIGHT come home, I have an attorney who can now start working on that one. These people can act as they choose. I had a friend with me and she states that they were very abusive, that it seemed set up and that they all took turns knocking me to the ground. I don't work. I don't gather in groups, I have friends one to one because I can no longer deal with the way people act and the ptsd crap alerts to everything. I am being hypervigelent again, big time. Nightmares have made sleep impossible past 5:00 a.m. good, that means I am getting ready for her. I can't stand the tears and the fact that this is so much how I was treated as a child. Well now, no matter that they wouldn't say why they were taking her the licensing agency has cleared me. I have done nothing wrong. Now I want my child and when she is adopted I might feel safe enough to have a suit or work on reprimands for their behavior.

It just hurts, I am lonely, I am scared that I will have to deal with these people and that my old fight or flight reactions will kick in. Wish I could have the child back to whom I promised my motherhood for life, and be done with mean people.