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Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
Is it a myth that you just sort of "click" with people and friendships naturally develop in what feels like a more or less effortless way? I mean, both sides would be making the effort to find time to spend together, but it doesn't feel like effort if you know what I mean.
Or is supposed to feel unnatural and uncomfortable? I'm around so many people that I have so much in common with and people tell me that I should be friends with some of them but we don't "click" and it feels unnatural to me. But maybe you're supposed to force yourself to be friends with people you don't like or don't trust in order to have any friends at all?
One girl for example that more than one person has pushed me towards talks so much that you have to put so much effort in just to be part of a conversation with her that I just don't think I can do it. And I never liked her even from the beginning. I can't say why either. It's not like she's a bad person or something. I don't know, maybe I can force myself to like her, but I just feel like it wouldn't be worth my time. How would just listening to someone talk make me feel less lonely. It's not like she's ever going to shut up long enough to ever get to know me. At least not beyond a superficial level.
I would get along so much better with guys but I don't trust them and I'm usually afraid of them to a certain extent and wouldn't feel safe around them by myself.
But the point is that I don't "click" with anyone male, female, or any other gender. I used to, but I think it's been since a guy terrorized me years ago I haven't been able to connect to other people very easily. At least not in healthy friendships.
Maybe by my age everyone has all their close friends and can only make acquaintances now? I guess I just need to get used to being lonely and never getting my needs for companionship met.
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first thing is I agree with Trippin.
but I had to respond directly to two things. You're not going to click with people right now because as you've said your trauma prevents you from allowing people to get close enough to do so. You can't click with anyone at a distance of x number feet at the end of the proverbial pole
not criticizing but what I am saying is that it's understandable, but that may be the key to making friends or at least opening up the opportunities to do so. Work on your issues, take care of you, become more secure in yourself and re establish your ability to trust and it will be more likely to happen
Second about age, I do think there is some truth to what you're saying, although it's not a hard fast rule. I think by older age it is different in how we find and make friends. people have long term friends they've known, they are typically more secure and not searching as hard for so many friends so it may be somewhat more of a challenge but again this is just something you have to work around.
I hope this helps. I understand though, I am not one with many (any?) local friends really and it is indeed hard for me to figure out where I can go to find potential friends!