For those of you who read my introduction thread, some of this will be a bit redundant. But I'm not sure what to do about my wife.

We got married about three months ago and before that, we'd been together for five years and lived together for the past two of those five. She's been struggling with depression pretty much her entire life and while there were definite ups and downs when we were dating, those ups and downs became significantly more extreme when we moved in together (or I didn't realize how extreme they were before).

She goes through cycles. When we first moved in together, she got a job in a kind of rehab program. It's simple tasks and doesn't pay a lot of money, but they're allowed to take breaks if they get too stressed out and at first it was good for her.

But in a few months she got worse. She started coming home early or not go at all. She'd stay in bed all day. She'd eat less and less. Then after I'd been out of town for two days, I came home and she was at her parents' place (they're our landlords and live in the same building as us). She said she decided she was going to stay with them for the time being, that she needed her mom's support and I said fine.

She got worse to the point that she had to go to the hospital for depression. She was in there for about two months and when she came out, she was better. She also dropped the bomb that she was going to stay with her parents permanently and that she was leaving me.

Two months later, she wanted to move back in with me and get back together and we did. But she was in bad shape. She had barely been eating while she was staying with her parents. They try but they're afraid to push her. So if she says she doesn't want to eat or if she only eats a little, they won't push the issue.

She got worse. Although she started eating more, she started hallucinating. She went back to her parents and then that led to another stay in the hospital, this one for about three or four months.

When she got out, she was good again. She started going back to work, and things progressed well for a few months. But then again, things went downhill. She'd stop going to work, stay in bed all day, barely eat.

In the new year, she started doing very well. She was talking in some groups online, she'd go out with friends for coffee or lunch, she wanted to watch movies a lot more, and that's when we decided to get married with the plan that we would work on moving to America in the next few years. I'd go over first and get set up with work and a place and she'd come over after once her immigration paperwork went through.

She even decided to take a computer class. And at first, everything was going well. But slowly, things started to go downhill. She started coming home early or skipping class. She'd stay in bed and stare at the wall or the ceiling. She stopped doing things she used to do regularly like yoga.

It came to a head recently. A little under two weeks ago, she got really bad right before her daughter was coming to visit (her daughter's nineteen and lives in Australia with her boyfriend). The two of them were coming for a week and when they come for a visit, my wife stays with them at her parents' place.

A few days before they were supposed to arrive, my wife refuses to eat, refuses to go to work, refuses to get out of bed. She even emails her daughter and tells her not to come.

I talked to my mother-in-law and she took my wife down to their place a few days early. They talked to her daughter and told her she should come, that it was fine. And when they were here, everything was great. I wasn't staying with them, but I was spending every day with them after work and my wife was back to her old self.

But now that's over. Not twenty-four hours after my step-daughter left, my wife was back to staying in bed and refusing to get out. She skipped work the day after her daughter left. The day after that (yesterday) she went to work, but came home early and went straight into bed. I did manage to get her out for a little bit to smoke some hookah and that got her in front of the TV and made her want to watch a movie. After we were done with the hookah, I had to get back to work so I went to my home office (about half my work is done from home so I'm around a lot). Maybe twenty minutes into my work, the TV stopped and I heard her go back to the bedroom.

When I made dinner, she had a few bites and said she was full. This isn't the first time this happened and while I tried to hide it, it was clear that I was visibly upset. I cleared the table and while doing the dishes, she went back to bed.

I went to try and talk to her. All she was doing was lying in bed and staring at the wall. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't even respond to most of my questions. I had to finally ask, "Are you awake?" and she said, "Yes." "Do you want to talk?" "No."

The only things she would say was that she wants to die and she begged me not to make her eat.

Today she refused to go to class again. I told her we have to talk with her doctor about this. She's been seeing a psychiatrist for a while but it's mostly been a medication-only treatment. But she said she only wants to see her doctor alone, she doesn't want me to go with. I told her we have to talk about changing her treatment plan, that medication alone won't work and she needs therapy as well. She said she quit therapy because she didn't like her doctor (a contradiction from a previous time when she told me that this doctor is one that she really likes). I said we'll find her a new doctor. She said she didn't want therapy.

I kept trying to suggest things and she would shoot them down. I ask her to tell me what she's feeling and all she says is, "I'm comfortable lying in bed. I want you to go away. Leave me alone."

I don't know what to do. She won't get help and my Japanese isn't very good so I don't know how I can really get her any more help. Mental health care in Japan is pretty much a total joke here to begin with—doctors just stuff patients with pills from pharmaceutical companies who give them kickbacks and mental illness isn't regarded with any sort of seriousness by Japanese society. We're very far from urban areas where we might have access to bilingual doctors I could speak with.

How do I deal with this? When I try and tell her that she has to eat, that she has to try to do things to keep her distracted, she feels like I'm attacking her. If I do anything other than just let her lie in bed and not eat, she says I'm upsetting her. But if I do nothing, then the problem will only get worse.

I don't want my marriage to end after only three months but I don't know what I can do. If she won't lift a finger to help herself, how can I possibly do it all on my own?