Oh wow... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, that sounds like a really terrible position to be in.

Do you think that her parents might have the contact info for her doctors? Could you try them? How is your relationship with them... could you all get together and have an intervention of sorts?

Are you American, is that why you're looking at coming to America in a few years (and don't write Japanese well)? I'm having trouble imagining that moving to America would improve your wife's condition... she'd be far from her family (that it seems like she depends on) and home. It seems like she could get worse? (And good mental health care isn't a given... I'm still struggling to find a good therapist for myself... it's not easy, and not cheap!)

I think that the thing that worries me the most is that she won't share info with you. You're married. She's unable to care for herself. Even though I'm a big believer in privacy and having your own space, that kind of goes out the window when you show that you can't take care of yourself... and really, that's one of the benefits of having a spouse. They can help you when you can't help yourself. So, the fact that she's completely unwilling to give you her doctor's information, or even talk to you about what's going on... kind of makes me worried for you.

I'm sorry. I can't imagine being tied to somebody like that... and I'm struggling with my own depression. It's not her fault that she's depressed, and it's not something that she can just snap out of -- but it IS her fault and responsibility that she seems to be refusing to get help, and to let her doctors know what's going on. It seems like you're in a really unfair position, since she won't do the things she needs to get better, but also won't let you do the things that you need to do to help her. It's a no win situation.

How does she feel about the time that she spent in the hospital? Have you tried talking to her about going back voluntarily? Does she recognize how bad it's gotten?