You're a normal person with a unique set of interests + fantasies, don't beat yourself up so much (I know, easier said than done a lot of the time). I don't share any of what you mentioned, but I have my fair share of things that I don't understand but I've kind of looked past that - it's there, a part of me - we all have something different going on in our lives; that doesn't mean we can't live a normal life. Do you have some hobbies that you could maybe focus more on? You are not a monster whatsoever.