I feel myself slowing down. My mood is definitely following its natural cycle. I'm slowing down and withdrawing, it's kind of a fading away feeling. Some online friends have already asked where I've gone because I just don't feel like talking. I just want to come home, close the blinds, lock the doors, and hide under a blanket. I don't hate myself yet, so that's a plus, but the thoughts that pop into my head are progressively more and more negative. Hoping I can manage this one well and remember that the things I'm thinking are symptoms, not the truth.

I will be seeing my therapist next week and pdoc in a couple of weeks. Her solution to depression is to increase my Lamictal, which works for a while, but I don't want to keep upping it all the time. I only use that strategy when it gets really bad and I need something to pull me out long enough to get my feet under me.

I need to focus on taking proper care of myself and having good insight. I have a bad habit of wallowing and not being proactive. Not fighting the negative thoughts. I get so overwhelmed, and I don't have good strategies for making my life manageable when I'm depressed. Something I need to work on.