Dear Onyx999,
I commend you for continuing to fight the demons. In my opinion, for some, depression is just a legitimate response to reality. I mean, our economy is grim and when we find ourselves only treading water (or worse), it is hard. And I consider sex a basic need, so when it's not being met, we're just not as happy. I hope you find some happy moments on your trip to California. In July, the weather is much milder in California than in Texas (California Dreaming. There is one positive thing I see in your story. It sounds like you are in good health physically. Who knows what fate has in store for you, maybe a better job will come along or, by chance, you'll meet someone.
Myst