Hi Wants2Fly,
Lots of wise words from Candybear. I just want to add one thing.
For me, the key to getting through this illness is to iron out the peaks and troughs. I do this by thinking of myself, at all times, as a SURVIVOR.
This means that if I slip back, I survive the relapse, if I recover, I survive the recovery. I never think of myself as cured because this would encourage the fear of relapse that you mentioned, and I never think of myself as hopelessly lost, because this would deny the recovery phase which has always come along.
I try to think of this as like the seasons of the year. I like summer, but winter has some good things about it too. If I'm in summer or winter I always know there will be a change coming. There is no need to be fearful or feel guilt about summer or winter, because I can't do anything to change them.
Maybe depression is like this, There is no point in beating ourselves up about this state which we sufferers are in, the secret is to go with it and allow it to pass through us. Grasping at any part of it will only make it more important in our minds and make us want to obsess.
So for me it's just the one word - survivor.
Good thoughts to you, Myzen