Feeling a tiny bit better today. Did manage to push myself out to store and call/speak to one of my children. I love talking to him, but it makes everything harder, cuz guardians lie and he doesn't understand why I don't come see him...I have to skirt around the subject bc if I am truthful there will be further retaliation and I will not even get to talk to him...it is terribly sad and defeating to be caught in their catch 22..It has been made clear I am not welcome there, but they tell him I am always welcome and they don't know why mummy doesn't come. anyone who is willing to supervise they turn down..or I get a couple of sporadic visits then the slanderous lies start...and no more visits. No matter what I say they find ways to lie where I can not prove..their word against mine... So no matter what I say to him, the truth is gagged and bound. ...He just wants his mummy and all I want are my kids too.. but, they find every and any reason they can conjure up from nothing to make consistently impossible.... which, is so much more damaging to them..so I stop fighting...I never can win...then my kids believe I don't care and don't want to see them. the older is just angry and refuses to talk to me...she has every right to be I don't blame her...but my baby, he just waits everyday hoping it will be the day me and daddy will come back and take him home....How can I break his heart, hope and tell him the truth....that "someday never comes..."